Here is the thing!!! Have you ever thought about this? How the emotional influencers in the name of guidance try to suppress what you are going through within or they try to divert it?
I had not thought about it until now. When there is a personal loss-especially losing a loved one, these so called emotional sprout like mushrooms to tell you how to deal with your grief...
One of the common ones are:
- Be strong
- Divert your attention
- Get back to work
- Keep yourself bus and so on and so forth..
When I view videos of the enlightened and Intellectually charged ones talk especially about dealing with grief of losing a loved one- they say "You don't miss the person but you miss your part of that self with them"... WOW- how convenient, isn't it? To turn it into a selfish thing?
Yes, We all transcend to the other side and do feel for the departed one, is it always about missing a part of ourself when we are with them and that's why we grieve? I Well, we grieve for the loss, for the absence in flesh and blood. We miss the bond, the connection. It is like someone pulled the plug one fine day and that caused either a shock, short circuit or a complete darkness in our lives.
When you have a connect it is about the entire sphere that is built and when there is a loss it is like the bubble is pierced and now the sphere has a unrepairable hole and we have to live with it. Yes, we miss ourself with them. The effect they had on us and their practical presence.
This theory of "you miss the part of yourself when you are with them and the grief you undergo is yours and not for the departed" should also apply in other scenarios too.
For instance-You hurt, kill and then repent: No one says- You miss that part of self- hence you feel this. They have something else itself to say... Here, You are not grieving but this is also a scenario of discussion. Can we say now that you have sinned you are feeling this way not because you are repenting the act but because you miss that self of yourself of whose life you have taken.
No- they don't say this. Instead, they say you are evolving, you are transforming but grieving is about yourself! You are not transforming or missing the person for the person but you are missing a part of you when you were with them which might never come back. This is the most convenient explanation. In fact, I find it ridiculous and absurd.
Our previous generations never analyzed the grief. they gave it time, space and let themselves deal with it and they moved on in life. At times being ignorant is the best medicine and is a bliss. You need not know everything. All this analysis-talk is happening as we are analyzing everything and not seeing it the way it is...
In this digital-influence world, this is becoming a norm now and there are lot many to give their theories and there goes the round Robin-Round and round. You are bound to go on a guit trip taking it hand-by-hand along with what you are dealing with already.
As per renowned Psychologists of this century, The more you keep your feelings within, and not express or don't let it out, it will manifest in ways you can't imagine.. Your body will remember everything... Every cell, your subconscious and unconscious mind keeps a record and track of everything. This no one can change.
This is the process of evolving oneself. You grieve, you let out, you go numb, then calm down and start healing and reclaiming yourself. If you only listen to the emotional influencers you will get into self-doubt, guilt and not liking yourself. Then, you go back to get influenced again. This is what is happening in today's times.
There is a saying: "if you know to talk well- you can win the world" This is exactly what is happening in today's world.
BY
Lavanya M Rao
Date:15-Mar-26
Place: Bangalore/Bengaluru
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